My Happier 2017: February Resolutions

My 2017 happiness project is off to a great start! My January resolutions have recharged me for the new year. I'm back on track with my running, my car is detailed, and my house has remained organized. 

With that momentum, the resolutions continue with February! The topic for this month is marriage. 

My best day ever was August 2, 2014. I cried through vows to the man that was made for me. In the last two and a half years I've learned what grace, hope, forgiveness, and commitment really are. I'm so thankful for our journey and the way we love each other.

My resolutions from January were based on the same resolutions that Gretchen Rubin set. Read more about that here. My February resolutions are a little mix of her ideas and my own.

Resolutions to make February a little happier:
1. Stop Nagging.
2. Reframe Responsibilities.
3. Be Sweet.
4. Different Daily Communication.

1. Stop Nagging. 
This resolution is inspired by Rubin. In her book The Happiness Project, she suggests finding other ways to remind your sweetheart of something without talking. I like this idea because I can't insert sass or tone if I'm not talking. 😬 Some things I've tried are notes on the door, leaving something beside his keys, or a one word text. I don't want to be a "nag" that assumes my husband can't complete a task without me reminding him ten times. OH and I almost forgot! This has seriously helped- Don't nag about something you aren't willing to do yourself! If they leave their clothes in the floor, but your workout clothes are sitting on the dresser...ummm...just a suggestion to practice what you nag. I might only be talking to me, but hey. I need to be reminded. 😂
These little tricks help cut down on the irritation that can come with the responsibilities of our life. 

2. Reframe Responsibilities. 

I debated on writing about this one. But here we go! The first few months of our marriage I put SO much pressure on myself. I was trying to be this perfect little new wife with a clean house, laundry done, wonderful meals made, and more. To top that off, I was in grad school and gone three nights a week. It was a mess. I was a mess. I felt like I couldn't be the wife I was expected to be. A few months into marriage we sat down and had our first big talk. I told him that I was anxious and sorry and couldn't figure out how to balance it all. He looked at me and with a few sentences he changed the way I felt about myself as a wife. He said "I don't expect you to be perfect. I don't want you to be perfect. How boring would that be? You expect you to be perfect. I love you no matter what."

Ya'll. My little 22 year old heart beamed. He was right. It was my own stuff getting in the way of my happiness. I let go of many of those expectations that day. I came to terms with the 21st century marriage that we were adjusting to. Looking back, I don't know why I tried to be Donna Reed. That's not what I want. Maybe I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I don't know, but I'm so glad that's not my life. 

Since then we have worked on balancing the responsibilities. You know how people say things like "I want him to want to do laundry." Or "I just don't want to have to ask." Okay, I have so been there. I don't care how much balance we find, I'm the neat freak. I value a well kept home. He appreciates that quality about me, but it's not a priority to him. I had a revelation during football season. (Remember football season...husband is a college football coach..not a lot of time at home) Well, I was geared up one night. I was over it. I was tired of the responsibilities. I wanted my laundry done. I wanted someone else to clean the house for company. I mean I was not calm and collected. Those moments of anger and resentment are when IT HIT ME. 

I had this little conversation with myself---SELF. GET OVER IT. If you lived by yourself you would do your laundry. You would keep a clean house. You would wash the sheets. You would keep your guest room cozy and clean. You would be pumped for company. SO GET OVER IT. Your husband has NOTHING to do with your housekeeping habits! YOU do these things FOR YOU!

This might not be groundbreaking for you, but I needed a reframe- a new way of thinking about responsibilities. This realization doesn't mean he doesn't help. He does. It doesn't mean I don't still struggle with it sometimes.  I do. I just needed to think about it differently. The reframe from our first few months of marriage was exactly what I needed then. This recent reframe is what I needed for this season. Neither of these may be what you need, but I encourage you to find a reframe that might.

3. Be Sweet.

Oh daily life. Leave it to daily life with someone to get your guard down and let the real talk start flowing. This is why my third resolution is to be sweet! I want to be more intentional with responding with easy going love and laughter. I am doing this by implementing Rubin's idea of a "Week of Extreme Nice". It is an entire week of SUPER awesome-sweet-loving-spouse-ness. I did this over Valentine's week. It was harder than I thought it would be. 😇 It will highlight your tendencies during daily interaction. Try it. It was eye opening. The best part is that it will likely make you and your honey happy. Win, win.

4. Different Daily Communication. 

A long engaging conversation with my guy is one of my very favorite things. He is my best friend, so of course I want to tell him like...everything. WEEEELLLLL.... I'm trying something new.

1. Reduce conversation during the day.  We don't talk during the day unless it is important. We'll send the occasional quick funny or sweet text, but day long conversations? Nope. For one, you're at work. Do your work.

Dear anyone not in the working world yet,

      You don't get to sit on your phone and text the day away about what you had for lunch, how your meeting was, who you've run into, etc. You are working. You do your work. Just wanted you to know.

Sincerely,

Mere

Besides the fact that you should be doing your job, not talking as much during the day makes the evenings more conversational. I value our in person interactions and conversations more than texting, so this is a resolution that I love.

2. Reduce negative conversation. Your life doer wither can handle your negativity, complaining, venting, and real world feelings and situations. They can handle it, but be careful. Don't over do it. If you are going through a season of life that is heavily influenced by bad attitudes and negativity, I get it. I got you. I've been there. However, I've been thinking lately that I don't want my marriage to get too weighed down by those burdens. I want to keep a good attitude for the most part. I can talk to family or friends. I can lean on my faith or coping skills and mindfulness. I can keep some of it to myself. This resolution is to reduce negative conversation. I'm going to do this for a while, and I'll let you know how it goes. 💜

February is all about love, and I love my man. These resolutions will make my marriage an even greater source of joy and happiness! 

Recap of Feb. Resolutions:

1. Stop Nagging

2. Reframe Responsibility 

3. Be Sweet

4. Different Daily Communication- Reduce Daily Communication and Reduce Negative Conversation


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Until next time!



From the middle with love,

Mere